Don't you want to send your kid to Barack Obama Elementary School?

No, this aint a joke.

Barack Obama Elementary Opens in Maryland

The first school in the D.C. area named after the current president opens Monday morning as the school year begins in Prince George's County. 

Barack Obama Elementary School opens its doors in Upper Marlboro, Md., for the first time Monday. The school is being touted as being an environmentally friendly "green" school. There have been other schools named after President Obama in the country, but this will be a first in his own backyard in the D.C. region.

What the article failed to mention was the exclusive Obama centered curriculum the school has to offer. Among other things, children will learn:

-The benefits of collectivism
-Bowing to Foreign Leaders 101
-How to win the Nobel Peace Prize without doing anything: A step by step tutorial
-Saul Alinsky principles and tactics
-Golf
-The glory of Marxism
-The flaws of the Constitution
-Obamanomics: The Crimes of Capitalism and the Redistribution of Wealth
-Basketball
-Correct Usage of the Teleprompter 101

Children will also be encouraged to be as untruthful as possible, with students earning gold stars for the most well crafted and creative lies.